How important it is to gently lay down my defenses

Hi All,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and revelations, it’s so nice to get an idea where we are at on this journey, what comes up and to have a forum to put it out there in the space of like minds and forgiving friends!  Interesting about the body symptoms as I have been confounded with a persistent wave of feeling incredibly fatigued and energy-less.  I’ve been questioning “What does this mean?” as if it were a problem and then wondered how would Holy Spirit view this?  I’ve given up trying to “figure it out” and just accepted I don’t know what this means but I can hand it over to HS with as much grace as I can muster and accept it as part of the path without my usual need to know.  It is a chance to be gentle with myself  (something relatively new, I’m starting to like it) and surrender my health and energy to HS which feels like a relief, something I wasn’t expecting to feel.  And realizing I am projecting a bit of unconscious guilt onto my body so forgiving, handing it over to be seen differently, will put light where my darkness is trying to hide in defense.  I’m beginning to see how important it is to gently lay down my defenses and be willing to be vulnerable despite the fear that what will be seen will be less than lovable.  By hiding I just confirm to myself that there is something there to hide so best to bite the bullet and put it out there in the Light of forgiveness, acceptance and a family of beautiful friends.
This is not an easy path(!) so I keep reminding myself of the times where I get a palpable sense that I am not alone and of a presence patiently waiting (wait, are you sure?) for a complete relinquishment and surrender to God, Love, Faith.  How hard can that be?  I guess my ego will let me know and (now…) I am saying gladly, show me what I am holding onto so I can let go of more illusion, hmm, I am so asking for it now, hold on for the inevitable backlash, it’s on the way and I’m ready for the wild ride!  The delusion of unworthiness feels so real at times.
After reading about Helen I feel so grateful for having our group, a haven of comfort when the comfort zone is being pushed, I know things are easier for me with our space of love and amazing acceptance when I forget to hold that space for myself, so grateful for all of you!
Okay, last thing, I heard this amazing song on the top 40 station, here it is in all it’s pop glory:
Wait, I’m wrong,
I should have done better than this,
Please, I’ll be strong,
I’m finding it hard to resist,
So show me what I’m looking for,
Save me, I’m lost,
Oh, Lord I’ve been waiting for You,
I’ll pay any cost,
Save me from being confused,
Show me what I’m looking for


Love and Light,

Jessica